Jar

Inspired by abmann ...a week ago

Poll #1655378 Royal Rainbow!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 2

Hmm? What is this?

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assfingers
1(50.0%)
A katamari
0(0.0%)
A wild slime appears!
1(50.0%)

This katamari is

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assfingers
1(50.0%)
tiny
1(50.0%)
small
0(0.0%)
medium
0(0.0%)
large
0(0.0%)
humongous
0(0.0%)

It feels mostly

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assfingers
1(50.0%)
people
0(0.0%)
animals
0(0.0%)
fancy
0(0.0%)
sweets
0(0.0%)
vehicles
0(0.0%)
plants
0(0.0%)
sea
0(0.0%)
school
0(0.0%)
sporty
0(0.0%)
existential
0(0.0%)
pie
1(50.0%)
cake
0(0.0%)
like what I touched on the bottom of the sink
0(0.0%)

What is this? Oh, it's cousin

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Ichigo
0(0.0%)
Foomin
0(0.0%)
Lalala
1(50.0%)
Opio
0(0.0%)
Havana
0(0.0%)
June
0(0.0%)
Miso
0(0.0%)
Dipp
0(0.0%)
Poo
0(0.0%)
Doc
0(0.0%)
Gilbert Gottfried
0(0.0%)
Lokicat
1(50.0%)
assfingers
0(0.0%)

Is that a Royal Present? Let's see what's inside

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assfingers
0(0.0%)
inner tube
0(0.0%)
giraffe hat
0(0.0%)
cap
0(0.0%)
wig
0(0.0%)
scarf
0(0.0%)
bikini
0(0.0%)
hot dog suit
0(0.0%)
lawnmower
0(0.0%)
Monty Python's Flying Circus
2(100.0%)

The star will be named

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Crunchy star
0(0.0%)
Dirty star
0(0.0%)
Diligent star
0(0.0%)
Milky star
0(0.0%)
Prizefighter star
0(0.0%)
Hot star
0(0.0%)
Gummy star
1(50.0%)
Starman star
0(0.0%)
Armageddon star
0(0.0%)
Ringo star
0(0.0%)
kingfox star
1(50.0%)

You already have a star. Do you want to destroy this or keep it?

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Stardust
0(0.0%)
Keep it
1(50.0%)
Feed it to assfingers
1(50.0%)

Comet?

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I did this fifty times just to earn it, so yeah
0(0.0%)
Nah
0(0.0%)
Depends on if I need to clean up after assfingers
2(100.0%)
Big in Japan - WTF

(no subject)

Poll #1614554 Let's Bring Back the Classics
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 5

Would you like to take a survey?

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Yes
4(80.0%)
No
1(20.0%)

Do you like beans?

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Yes
3(60.0%)
No
2(40.0%)

Do you like George Wendt?

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Yes
3(60.0%)
No
2(40.0%)

Would you like to see beans with George Wendt?

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Yes
3(60.0%)
No
2(40.0%)

How many beans would you like to see George Wendt with?

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Would you like to see George Wendt as Mr. Bean?

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Yes
1(20.0%)
No
4(80.0%)

I visited your shrine to George Wendt on the way to the bathroom and noticed you have not updated it for 152 days. Would you like me to update your shrine?

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Yes
1(20.0%)
No
2(40.0%)
Bean there, done that
2(40.0%)

And now let us pray

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Dear heavenly father up in heaven,
0(0.0%)
Dear devilly antifather down in hockey stick land
0(0.0%)
Dear holy Saint Spongebob, whose Bikini Bottom thermometer hath touched my rumpus
0(0.0%)
Oh agnostic entity who could or could not exist in there
1(25.0%)
Oh heavenly clock, who has been ticking away without anyone looking after it,
0(0.0%)
Oh unholy assfingers, who turns cake into pie with a mere whim
2(50.0%)
Oh non god who does not live in some afterlife existence,
1(25.0%)

Do you like assfingers?

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No
0(0.0%)
NO
0(0.0%)
NO!!!
1(20.0%)
Maybe a little
4(80.0%)

Do you like wings?

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Yes
1(20.0%)
No
4(80.0%)

How many wings do you think you could stuff into assfingers' mouth before the world explodes?

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If there was a movie starring Keanu Reaves as a police officer who must keep feeding 50 wings an hour to assfingers or else he blows up, then

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I would go to the first screening
1(25.0%)
I would see it on DVD
1(25.0%)
It would be a chick flick
2(50.0%)
It would be a film pulled from my home movies
0(0.0%)

Would you see assfingers as Mr. Bean?

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Yes
1(20.0%)
No
1(20.0%)
I see assfingers with a chicken on his head all the time
2(40.0%)
I see assfingers wearing the Rowan Atkinson skin suit all the time
1(20.0%)
assfingers is a Terminator
0(0.0%)

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/37255

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spice weasel

Bar-BE-Que

It's summertime. Y'all ready for some serious BBQ? I know I sure am. Just a tip from me to you: choose the right wood for your application. Pork and beef need a more pungent smoke like hickory, oak, mesquite, cherry, or applewood where as something like fish, seafood, or even chicken benefit from a lighter, more subtle smoke like citrus wood, grape wood, ash, or even cottonwood.

Poll #1577103
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 6

What's your favorite cut of meat?

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Pulled pork!
1(16.7%)
Brisket!
0(0.0%)
Ribs!
0(0.0%)
Chicken!
2(33.3%)
Chop!
0(0.0%)

Are you familiar with chop?

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Why yes, it's a delightful telelvision show.
0(0.0%)
Why yes, it's a terrible television show in which stupid monkeys perform feces sculpting so unqualified and equally stupid monkeys can judge them.
0(0.0%)
I do believe it is the best invention the bbq gods have bestowed upon us.
2(33.3%)
Not really, please explain.
2(33.3%)
I'm not sure, but insert obligatory reference to assfingers here.
2(33.3%)

Well you see Timmy, when you slather giant hunks of meat in rocksalt and then smoke it all day, the end peices get over-salted and over smoked. So you chop those up and mix them with bbq sauce creating a food item that fits somewhere between a pulled sandwich and a bbq stew. That is how Chop is born.

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Ewwwwwwww.....
1(16.7%)
OMG I think I just orgasmed a little.
0(0.0%)
Duh. What do you think I drank this morning after my run?
0(0.0%)
Holy Jesus, I never thought such concentrations of bbq pleasure could be found! It' s like black tar heroine times a thousand!
1(16.7%)
Huh.
2(33.3%)

When people grill or roast meat and then dump a bottle of sauce over it and call it bbq, it makes me feel....

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Crying clown Sad
0(0.0%)
Starving Etheopian hungry
2(33.3%)
Police profiling suspicious
1(16.7%)
Cherry Coke fizzy
0(0.0%)
Disturbed fire ant angry
0(0.0%)

Where is the best place to get BBQ in the world?

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Lockhart, TX
1(20.0%)
Memphis, TN
1(20.0%)
Kansas City, KS
0(0.0%)
Winston-Salem, NC
1(20.0%)
assfingers's mom's house
2(40.0%)

Please justify your answer and pledge lifetime allegance to your BBQ city-state.

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Sauce or no sauce?

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Sauce. It's what defines BBQ!
2(33.3%)
No sauce. It's what hacks use to cover up their poor meat and inability to bring the smoke ring!
4(66.7%)

Can't we all just agree that eating as many animals as possible is a banner that we can unit under?

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Yes! I would like to be the first to suggest stuffing my Texas-style brisket with NC-style pulled pork and serving it between two slabs of ribs!
1(16.7%)
When the BBQ wars come, you will be the first one sacrificed.
0(0.0%)
Here's the thing, while I support that thought in theory, if it's not the Texan way, it's just not worth doin'.
0(0.0%)
Wait, what was the question again? I just orgasamed a little more thinking about that first response option.
1(16.7%)
That is not a sentiment I can support.
2(33.3%)

How much do you judge the person that answered chicken at the beginning of this poll? 1 being chicken is delicious and 10 being if there's any justice in the world they will be trambled by a heard of super pig-chicken hybrids.

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Mean: 4.50 Median: 3 Std. Dev 3.82
1
3(50.0%)
2
0(0.0%)
3
0(0.0%)
4
0(0.0%)
5
1(16.7%)
6
0(0.0%)
7
0(0.0%)
8
0(0.0%)
9
1(16.7%)
10
1(16.7%)

Finally, what is the most apporpiate beverage to consume with your bbq?

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Sweet Tea. <- Notice that period.
3(50.0%)
Water, but only so I can cleanse my pallet in between each shovel full of delicious xanadu
0(0.0%)
Soda <- This answer is wrong
1(16.7%)
BBQ sauce. I also brush my teeth in the morning with bbq ribs.
0(0.0%)
Meat drippings. Because I'm more hardcore about this stuff than any other answer possible.
1(16.7%)
Aliens

It's Not Happening Right

Poll #1566924
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 6

Okay, so I saw The Happening...

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Good for you
1(16.7%)
You poor thing
3(50.0%)
What did you think?
2(33.3%)

When did all the Southern people move into New Jersey?

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South Jersey has a redneck relocation program with Texas
0(0.0%)
Maybe it was tourist season
2(33.3%)
Maybe Mark Wahlberg has a natural affinity to look for Southerners in New Jersey
4(66.7%)

Is New York City normally known to have a higher instance of people-killing plants than the acres of wetlands and woodlands in a location known as "THE GARDEN STATE"?

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Yes
1(16.7%)
No, but it's a movie
3(50.0%)
"Jersey Shore" kept all those plants at bay.
0(0.0%)
Now that I think about it, why *didn't* they go to the shore?
2(33.3%)

Is there a reason people were so obsessed with math after they were infected?

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Plants have PhDs in math
1(16.7%)
Math = Death
1(16.7%)
Shaymalan thought IT WOULD BE A TWIST
3(50.0%)
assfingers' parents were murdered by an asymptote, and he vowed revenge for the criminal acts of formulas
1(16.7%)

And why the Northeastern area of the US, followed by France?

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Plants hate hipsters (who doesn't)
6(100.0%)
Plants hate blue states
0(0.0%)

Can you outrun the wind?

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Yes, if plants control it
1(16.7%)
No
1(16.7%)
Yes, I am secretly The Flash
2(33.3%)
I can break wind in retaliation!
2(33.3%)

Doesn't the sun control the wind?

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Pft, that's just your right-wing mindset telling you THE TRUTH
1(16.7%)
It does, in reality
1(16.7%)
The plants created a wind-controlling device. They are secretly the smartest creatures in THE UNIVERSE
1(16.7%)
Mark Wahlberg keeps running into the wind ever since that tragic day he saw Nicholas Cage run into a beehive sanctuary screaming "NO! NOT THE BEES!!!"
3(50.0%)

Do you think assfingers likes this movie?

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Yes, because he is dumb
1(16.7%)
Yes, because I bribed him to with pie
0(0.0%)
No, because he has common sense
1(16.7%)
No, but he did want to see "What's Happening: The Movie"
0(0.0%)
No, but he did like "What's Happening(in My Pants), Volume 5"
4(66.7%)
Meso

(no subject)

Poll #1561416
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 6

assfingers can make Jesus stop making rain

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True
0(0.0%)
False
3(50.0%)
Only if he says he's a doctor
2(33.3%)
Only if he doesn't say he's a doctor
1(16.7%)

Jesus can make assfingers eat pain

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True
0(0.0%)
False
1(16.7%)
Only if this is French pain (because it's the body of Christ, get it? Heh heh...)
5(83.3%)

The following can be asked of Jesus via assfingers to rain:

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Hail
0(0.0%)
Snow
0(0.0%)
manna
0(0.0%)
chicken wings
0(0.0%)
cats and dogs
0(0.0%)
pigs and frogs
0(0.0%)
all the missing left socks in the world
2(33.3%)
ET cartridges
0(0.0%)
assfingers' evil mini clones
0(0.0%)
chocolate
0(0.0%)
Tay Zonday's chocolate
0(0.0%)
really small rocks
0(0.0%)
stimutac

Thin Mints!

Poll #1555174
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 7

What do you do through the hole in the sheet?

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Celebrate Christmas!
0(0.0%)
Eat pork!
0(0.0%)
assfingers
1(16.7%)
Your mom.
1(16.7%)
Read Danielle Steel "novels".
0(0.0%)

What do you mean, you don't have a hole in the sheet?

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I'm on way to IKEA to get one right now!
0(0.0%)
I'm sorry, but I don't support your religion. Or any religion. Or the girl scouts.
1(14.3%)
Mmmmmm....thin mints....
3(42.9%)
Wait, what were we talking about again?
1(14.3%)
Oh right, I already have my hole in the sheet, it's just at the cleaners.
0(0.0%)
I'll do better next time.
2(28.6%)

You don't even know what I'm talking about, do you?

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Yes I do yes I do!
2(28.6%)
No, not really.
1(14.3%)
Is this another one of your stupid Friday Poll things?
2(28.6%)
I bet assfingers knows.
1(14.3%)
Mmmmm....pork!
1(14.3%)

If I put the video at the bottom of this poll, will you educate yourself?

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Probably, I'm only really productive like 25 minutes out of any given day.
1(14.3%)
I educated assfingers's mom last night.
3(42.9%)
No, I think it's wrong to view videos on the internet.
0(0.0%)
I can watch that video through the hole in the sheet!
1(14.3%)
No. I only choose the more straight laced of responses.
1(14.3%)

So people like lamb right? And they like it with mint, right? And they like those girlscout cookies with mint, right? So it reasons that a girlscout covered in lamb's blood would be delicious, right!?

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Yes....yeah....true, they are delicious...prob..wait, what?
1(14.3%)
Okay, this poll just jumped the shark!
4(57.1%)
And you thought I was going to watch your stupid video.
1(14.3%)
Mmmmmmm....thin mints......
1(14.3%)
That seems reasonable, your logic is flawless!
0(0.0%)


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stimutac

Do Do Do Do Do Do do, Do Do Do Do DO do do do do....

Welcome to today's Jeopardy style Friday Poll. I'm your host nathan_lounge. As always, here on lj Jeopardy, I'll give you an answer and you give me the question. Lets go to the first category, famous people...

Poll #1543301
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 7

Stalin, Lenin, and Bobo the Clown

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assfingers

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The pied piper and a naughty sheriff

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The Fleshlight

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42 and 16

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Buffelo-style chicken wings!

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urkel

Fridays are Delicious

Poll #1540089
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 8

Is this hunt doomed?

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Yes
2(25.0%)
No
0(0.0%)
assfingers
1(12.5%)
That's what she said
2(25.0%)

What are we hunting exactly?

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Wabbits
2(25.0%)
Seals
1(12.5%)
Bears
1(12.5%)
Way more meat than we'll be able to carry back
1(12.5%)
Take that, The Wilderness!
0(0.0%)

You dip your buffelo wings in...

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Blue Cheese Dressing like a true red-blooded American
3(37.5%)
Ranch like a pansy commie
1(12.5%)
assfingers because I'm more hardcore than either
1(12.5%)
I like mine plain please
3(37.5%)

How much do you judge that person in the last question that answered "plain"?

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Mean: 6.50 Median: 9.5 Std. Dev 4.27
1
3(37.5%)
2
0(0.0%)
3
0(0.0%)
4
0(0.0%)
5
0(0.0%)
6
0(0.0%)
7
0(0.0%)
8
0(0.0%)
9
1(12.5%)
10
4(50.0%)

So do you think you're going to have trouble eating chicken wings and hunting at the same time?

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Nope, one hand for the wing, one hand for the gun, that's what I always say!
0(0.0%)
I hope I don't get blue cheese in the fireing chamber.
1(12.5%)
I've actually constructed a makeshift bow out of chicken tendons and discarded wing bones.
1(12.5%)
I only hunt with the taste of fresh meat on my breath.
1(12.5%)
Pass me the wetnap please.
0(0.0%)

Counting both each kill and each chicken wing consumed, what's your score?

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1
0(0.0%)
2
0(0.0%)
5
1(12.5%)
10
0(0.0%)
50
0(0.0%)
pi
1(12.5%)
Mmmm....pi.....
1(12.5%)
100
0(0.0%)
1 hellabijillion
3(37.5%)
assfingers
2(25.0%)